I know that he will return to Anteiku
by Ryoma Kanzaki
Summary: This world is wrong. And i will fix it. I will annihilate all the ghouls from this world. After all, that's my job as a Ghoul Investigator. / [AU after events on chapter 143 from the first manga. Doesn't relate to TG:Re]
1. Prologue

_This world is wrong._

_I have to eat. To eat is to steal._

_I have to eat. To eat is to protect._

_I have to eat. To eat is to lose_

_I have to eat. To eat is to make a mistake._

_My salvation is just to sleep and have a happy dream._

_My salvation is..._

* * *

><p>My head still hurts when i get out of bed. But today I must be strong, I can´t show signs of weakness. It's just that today is a special day, an important day for me and the ones around me, because they looked after me so I would be healthy today. But, there's still something that bothers me, and i can't stop thinking about it...<p>

Who am I really?

I lost my memory, or that's what I've been told. I can only remember my name, the name that was on my library card. It seems like I was in a coma for a while, due to a construction accident. They say that it was a shame that I didn't have any relative or friend to contact due to the memory loss, but I don't think like that. Since I woke up, nobody has come to visit me. Not even once, is it that no one wanted to see me at all? was I that unimportant before? well, that's exaggerating. Actually, nobody from my past life has visited me, but "they" did.

And it's thanks to them that today I have the opportunity to do something important.

-Are you ready for your induction, young man?

Always so serious, I like that. I can't answer; I'm afraid that my voice betrays me and shows my weakness. That's why I just nod as a reply, and they guide me to a big room, it seems like it's an auditorium. This is more than I expected, and I can't help it but feel overwhelmed by the amount of people that appears to be the public while i walk to the front part, in front of everyone and next to the man that led me here. I don't remember his name, but I know that he is respected here. Many of the people here look me with hate and anger. I guess that's normal, since I didn't have any kind of training, and today shall be granted a great honor for me, for reasons not even I know.

-Attention, please. From today, this young man will be the protégé and disciple of our biggest hero, and that's why I want all your cooperation.

There's barely a reaction from the public, do they distrust me so much? but I will prove that i can help. Ah, here comes my mentor, and he reaches me while showing a light smile. From now on, he is going to take care of my training and I will work by his side. He emits a cold aura, like one from the death. Honestly, I would hate to have him as an enemy. But what strikes me the most about him, it's his hair.

-It will be a pleasure to work with you, Ken Kaneki.

Yeah, his white hair, just like mine.

From now on, I'm officially a Ghoul Investigator, and personal assistant of Arima Kishou.

And I will risk my life if that's needed to achieve my goal: to annihilate all the ghouls from this world.


	2. Chapter 1: Quinque

After the initial "euphoria" for my appointment as ghoul investigator, I walk with Arima to the laboratory division of the CCG, where they are preparing a quinque for me. None of us pronounce a single word on the way there, and I feel like it's not necessary. I can't stop thinking about the form my quinque will have, and that gives me even more headache.

That makes me think about something else: What's my range on the CCG? I mean, I know that only investigators from rank 2 and higher are able to use a quinque, and I didn't receive any formal training. Of course, my physical capacity is way above the average human (even I'm surprised about it, when did I become so strong?) but that doesn't justify the protocol skip. For example, there's this… guy, I guess? Named Suzuya that…

-Kaneki, you look unfocused – Arima takes me by surprise, I was lost in my own thoughts.

-I'm sorry, mister Kishou, I...

-Don't be so formal, just call me Arima. After all, we'll work together from now on…

-Understood, mister Arima, I… - damn it, I'm still as formal as before.

-You keep me calling "mister". Well, it doesn't matter, but that's enough chat, we arrived to the laboratory… I believe that you will like the quinque we prepared for you.

-About that, mister Arima, why will I receive a quinque? I'm not saying that it bothers me, I feel honored to be honest, but…

-Don't trouble yourself with such trivialities, Kaneki. C'mon, let's go.

Without further explanation, we walk into the laboratory. It truly is a big place, full of prototypes and work tables. We walked to a big one, in the middle of the laboratory, where we were expected by one of the head ghoul investigators, Kouitsu Chigyou.

-Good afternoon, doctor Chigyou. Is Kaneki's quinque ready?

-It is, Arima. But first, I'm curious… do you mind if I ask young Kaneki some questions first? – I could feel a strong curiosity on his eyes, watching me as if he were examining me.

-Go ahead, doctor – I can feel a little bit of impatience from Arima, but it's almost imperceptible. Anyways, he doesn't seem interested on listening to the questions because he starts to examine the work table.

-Ok, let's see… KANEKI!

-y-Y-yes! – His scream surprises me, and I jump backwards.

-Well, well, nice reactions, but you'll need to work on your confidence, young man. Anyways, let me ask you some questions. Are you hungry? – what kind of question is that?

-If I am…? No, I'm not. I ate enough during lunch.

-I see… Do you enjoy the food that they give you here on the CCG?

-Yes, I enjoy it a lot – Actually, I LOVE it a lot, but I shouldn't say something like that.

-Do you have a diverse diet? – Seriously, this questions are kind of… peculiar, to say the least.

-I… well, you could say that I do have it – I can't help it but scratch my chin unintentionally.

Actually, I don't have what you could call a "diverse diet"… Since I woke up (and while I was in a coma, as I have been told) I ate intravenously at first, and then, when I had enough energy to chew, little cubes. Those cubes are compressed proteins, as far as I know. Whatever they are, I'm fascinated by their flavor. They remind me of another time from the past, from which I really don't have any memory, but at least I preserve some sensations from that time.

-Don't you have anything interesting to ask, doctor Chigyou? – Arima joins the conversation, as if he disapproved the questions of the doctor – I have understood that you are well aware of the condition of Kaneki. Because of the construction accident, his digestive system doesn't work quite well, so the CCG takes care of him and supplies him with a diet according to his necessities.

-Yes, Arima. His … special needs, I guess – the doctor was peeping at Arima, who didn't show any sign of reaction – Anyways, that was fun. Now, the tricky questions. Kaneki, have you thought about what kind of quinque you want?

-The type of quinque I want, doctor? Well, I didn't think too much about it – Basically, because it gives me headache – but…

-Yes, Kaneki? – The doctor looks especially interested in my answer. Will it influence the decision on the type of quinque I receive?

-Well, due to my physical capacities, I believe that the ideal quinque for me it's one with a "high hitting power", so to speak. I guess I would prefer a quinque based on… - and here we go again with the headache – on... a Rinkaku.

-Perfect, just perfect! – Now the doctor is laughing out loud, it's really annoying.

-Does it matter for you to know these things, doctor? – I'm being really rude, but the headache is actually killing me right now.

-Of course it matters, Kaneki. This helps me to realize that my personal bet for your ideal quinque was the correct one. I believe that you will feel certain affinity to your new "friend".

Doctor Chigyou is really strange, but I don't want to think about it right now. I'm afraid I will be unable to hold the quinque on my actual condition, so I try really hard to keep my composure while the doctor picks up a briefcase that was on the table, as Arima is watching carefully. Without notice, he stops and, instead of walking towards me to hand me the briefcase, he decides to launch it to me with a lot of strength. I get ready for the worst impact, since I don't believe I will be able to stop it, and I close my eyes.

However, it doesn't hit me.

Without realizing, I achieved to hold the briefcase with my right hand, and my headache lowered a bit. Without time to think about it, I open the briefcase, and after a small "click" sound, I notice a spectacular quinque. A large handle that ends on some kind of halberd: strong as a diamond, and a deep red as color.

-What do you think, Kaneki?

-It's… beautiful, doctor – Hold on, did I just call a quinque "beautiful"?

-Great, great! This is amazing, really. And you haven't seen the best yet. CATCH THIS!

-¡¿…?!

While I was still watching the halberd, the doctor threw many steel daggers my way, each one pointing to a different part of my body. This is wrong, they are all coming to me too fast, and I won't be able to stop them. Still, I don't try to run away and stretch the halberd horizontally in front of me as reflex, on a position that wouldn't really stop any dagger.

Or, at least, that's what I thought.

To be honest, I have no idea how that happened. The halberd-quinque opened, showing 4 tentacles (to be precise, claws) really large, that started to block all the daggers that got near me. I can't believe this; a quinque should depend on the investigator power, not vice versa. What kind of weapon is this?

-Really interesting. Really, really interesting, indeed – Now, the doctor stopped laughing and showed a dark look. Arima was staring at me with his cold eyes.

-What kind of quinque is this, doctor? – I still can't understand how did this happen.

-It's a new model, Kaneki. It depends a lot on the subconscious of the user, and it seems like it developed an especial affinity with you. After all, it acted on self-defense.

-Is it really possible to develop such a weapon?

-Well, it's a prototype that still needs a lot of work, but it seems that we are going the right way here. Anyways, don't try to rely so much on its "own consciousness". It won't always act efficiently if you don't control your own emotions, got it?

-Yes, I understand. Was this the reason that you all decided to make me an investigator? Am I some kind of guinea pig? – To be honest, it doesn't really bother me.

-Kaneki, you are the first one to show this kind of affinity with the new prototype. I would be lying if I told you that this didn't influence on the decision of the CCG to incorporate you to their ranks, but it has a deeper meaning. I understand that you have a dream to achieve, right?

-I… - yeah, there's a strong reasons for me to join the CCG – Yes, I do have one dream. I will annihilate all the ghouls from this world, no matter what.

-Good, very good. – Now, the doctor seems more relaxed – Whatever, have you thought any name for your quinque?

-No, I don't have any name in mind right now.

-No problem, you will find it eventually.

-That's enough, doctor. Enough with the chat – both me and the doctor were caught off-guard by Arima, who was just staring during our conversation – Now, if you excuse us, Kaneki and I need to report to the main office of the CCG immediately.

-I'm sorry, Arima. Go ahead, keep going. And – now the doctor was watching me – I hope you have fun with your new quinque, Kaneki. I have my eyes set on "its" progress.

What did he mean by "its" progress? It doesn't matter right now, as it seems that I must go with Arima to the main office. However, I still have one last question for the doctor, the one that Arima didn't answer to me.

-Doctor Chigyou, I'm sorry to trouble you, but…Is it not supposed to be only investigators from rank2 and higher the ones that are able to have quinques? I don't…

-What are you talking about, Kaneki? It seems that Arima doesn't tell even the simplest stuff… - Arima only sighed, and the doctor believed that was a good answer to go on – Don't worry about it, Kaneki, you have enough rank to use a quinque.

-What? But if I never…

-Kaneki, you are a First-Class Investigator.

* * *

><p>Well, that was fun to write. Now, some afterthoughts on the first chapter+prologue (and the fanfic in general, I guess):<p>

First of all, I want to say thank you all for reading, I really appreciate every review/follow/favorite from you, guys, and I will give my best to write something worth the read. I started to capitalize all my "i", for example :P

Second, sorry about my english. Currently writing this fanfic on spanish, but a friend suggested that I should upload it in english here a while ago, so I said: Well, why not?

Third, just to make things clear, everything that I write will be based AFTER the canon events from the manga. So yeh, drop this in case you haven't finished it because you could see massive spoilers from now on. Maybe I spoiled something already? don't really know...

Fourth (is it okay to say fourth in this context? is that even a word?), I want to say THANK YOUUUUU again, just so you see how much i enjoy sharing this with you.

Fifth, I'll be adding characters to the character list as they appear on the fanfic. But expect pretty much everyone to be involved here.

Well, let's have fun together from now on, shall we?


	3. Chapter 2: Squad

"Kaneki, you are a First-Class Investigator"

I keep repeating this sentence to myself while I keep walking with Arima to the main offices of the CCG, trying to make the pieces of this puzzle fit, but I feel that the main piece that binds everything is missing. My career in the CCG catapulted meteorically, I received a prototype quinque, and I'm currently under direct orders and protection from Arima, the strongest human being without a doubt. In what kind of world does this make sense? I don't…

-Kaneki, you are still unfocused – One more time, Arima can easily read through me.

-I'm sorry, mister Arima – Damn it, there's the "mister" once again – It's just that I find it hard to assimilate all of this.

-In that case, it's better if you assimilate it fast, because we are going to receive our first mission soon.

-Wait, what? – A mission? So fast?

-The details will be explained there; right now it would take a lot of time. Also, it would be convenient that you know the rest of the squad already.

Hearing that last sentence made my energies reach level 0. I was so focused on my appointment as investigator and my quinque, that I completely forgot that Arima is the leader of Squad 0, the main force of the CCG, and probably our only hope against the strongest ghouls. Since I'm Arima's assistant, it's natural that I join squad 0 too. What kind of people will be in his team?

I don't have much time to think about it, because we already arrived to a room inside the CCG offices. Without notice, we already went through the RC scan gates scattered around the corridors. Good, I avoided some headache. It's just that, every time I pass through one, I feel a little stitch. Also, I avoided eye contact with the investigators that we met through the corridors, and all of them were saluting Arima with joy. I don't really have anything against them, but I believe that they do have something against me, and if they can avoid me, they are fine. Anyways, we walk into the room and I see a small group of people there, and everyone is wearing combat suits designed for investigators. I don't have any doubt that they are Arima's special team; all of them are serious guys, always ready for action. None of them pay attention to me; they just salute Arima with a light head shake.

-We are here, Marude. Please, explain the details of our mission – Arima introduces us to the guy standing in the center of the room, Special Investigator Marude.

-It's an easy task this time, Arima. Do you remember the ghoul restaurant from ward 7? Well, it seems that there's a considerably large group of ghouls that are planning to retake its operations. Without a doubt, something really stupid, considering that we know the exact location of the place, but there are rumors that an S rank ghoul protects them, might even be an SS one. Our intelligence reports won't confirm it, sadly – Marude seems troubled by this fact, and he changes his tone of voice to an angrier one - We lost many men conducting recognition operations. Damn it, we lost TOO MANY men for recognition only. That's why this mission was assigned specially to your team. Annihilate them, Arima.

-Be it S or SS rank, we are going to take care of it – I feel chills through my body due to Arima's coldness.

-Always the serious guy, eh Arima? C'mon, smile a bit, man. The details of the operation are inside this envelope, but they are just tactical references. What's inside that restaurant remains unknown.

-Thank you, Marude – Not even a single reaction from Arima that already stopped talking to him, and now he talks to the whole team, including me – Alright, let's go. You know the mission, and I expect nothing but perfection from you all.

Without a word, the whole squad 0 starts marching behind Arima that makes me signals to stay close to him. While we walk through the CCG corridors, I can feel whispers on my back.

-Hey, why are we assigned such a stupid mission? It's really easy – Who is it talking? I don't really know.

-I don't know, do you think it has anything to do with the new one? – Are they talking about me? Wish I knew their names.

-He is Arima's personal assistant, why does he have such an honor? – And now, another voice joins the whispers, is it ever going to stop?

-I heard that he is… - That I am… what? I couldn't hear, because we all stopped at once when Arima turned around.

-Anyone that thinks that this mission is stupid is free to leave the squad right now. Also, everyone duty-free will personally handle our condolences to the family of the investigators that died during the recognition, and shall explain why they considered that this mission is stupid, even though many men gave their lives away to help.

Everyone, absolutely everyone, was cold in their spot, without saying a word. Arima's stare hasn't changed at all since we left the laboratory, not even his voice. Without a doubt, he is an extraordinary human.

-If no one plans to leave the squad, we shall continue. We lost 15 seconds right now.

The CCG reaper, captain of squad 0, and my mentor. I have a lot to learn from him, undoubtedly. I think about this while we walk, now a little bit faster to compensate the "time lost". The whispers already stopped, but I still feel a weird atmosphere, like disapproval. Not even my own team recognizes me, how am I supposed to feel? To be honest, it's frustrating.

-Kaneki, for this mission, I want you to stay back.

-Why is that, Arima? – This order really takes me by surprise, and I give a rash answer. He doesn't trust me, either? – I'm sorry; I didn't mean to disrespect you.

-Don't think about it, I already told you can call me Arima. Now, I'm going to be serious with this order: Stay back and watch all you can so you learn about our tactics. Also, there will probably be recognition investigators around there that will need protection.

-I… I understand, Arima. I will follow my orders.

More relaxed now, I can think clearly. Arima is right, I don't know the formations and tactics of the squad, and the best way to learn would be watching them live. And the fact that he cares about the other investigators really helps. Now, even more determined than before, we leave the CCG offices and head towards ward 7. The ghoul restaurant.

For some reasons, thinking about that place gives me a light headache.

* * *

><p>To be honest, I planned to make this chapter longer and include the ghoul restaurant part. But I'm so busy right now with exams that I wouldn't manage to describe it as I imagined it, so instead here's this little(?) chapter. Sorry about it.<p>

¡Gracias por el apoyo! :)


	4. Chapter 3: Gourmet

_The Ghoul Restaurant, eh? It's a nice place; I don't really have any problem going there… Anyways, they already tried to eat me there once… and I ended eating them instead"_

My head… it really hurts, and I think I'm starting to hear voices. That's new, and I hate it. I can't concentrate at all in the mission like this, and I believe that we will arrive soon.

-Hey, I can see the restaurant from here! – Who is it talking? Damn it, I still don't know anyone from the squad – Wait a minute… What the fuck is that?!

I barely manage to sustain the pain, and I join the rest of the squad that is looking outside the windows of the transport that is driving us to the 7th ward. Everyone seems astonished and silent. Many of them try to hold in their emotions, but still have their mouths open from the astonishment. And now that I can see it too, I understand their reaction.

We already arrived. The surroundings of the ghoul restaurant are in front of us, and it's nothing like we expected. At least, not what I expected.

We didn't even leave the car just yet, and the combat already started between the ghouls and the local investigators. Actually, it's not a combat; it's more like carnage. A big contingent of ghouls, around 20 I believe, are battling the investigators that surrounded the restaurant and are destroying them without mercy. Apparently, none of these investigators have real combat experience, and they are no rivals for the ghouls.

But that's about to change right now.

-The squad will engage in close combat with the enemy, after that we will split in 4 teams: the first one will keep pushing the front line till they reach the main door; teams 2 and 3 will surround the sides of the restaurant to prevent escapes; and team 4 will enter from behind. I will command team 4, so be ready for new instructions. Onwards.

Arima's orders are clear and simple, and he tells them without an ounce of doubt in his voice. Before I can notice, the whole squad has jumped from the vehicle and activated their quinques. So this is the level of squad 0, I can't help it but feel overwhelmed by their power. By the time I jumped from the vehicle and start running to the combat zone, the squad already exterminated all the ghouls that tried to kill the recognition forces of investigators from the front line. The weapons that they used are really varied, because they go from regular appearance swords, maces and scythes, to long range whips. Our arrival was something unexpected for the ghouls, because they seem desperate while they try to regroup their forces inside the restaurant. At least, "desperation" is what it feels like; because I can't see their faces under the masks they wear.

But I know I can't join the combat, at least not directly. Those were Arima's orders, and I won't fail him. That's why I reach the wounded investigators that were left behind and carry them to a safe place. Luckily, the majority only has light wounds that will heal within a month, but there are a lot of them that are crying and screaming from the pain of losing a limb. It's disgusting, and makes me really mad. The ghouls took their arms and legs like it was nothing, just diversion for them.

Still, I won't leave any of them behind. I will rescue every one of them, whatever it takes. S o I start going even deeper into the combat zones that are already peaceful, and star to carry one at a time to the help zone that was set-up after the squad 0 arrived. Many of the heavily wounded asked me to leave them behind and help in the fight, they even insulted me for refusing to listen, but I won't stop. Like that, my duty takes me to the back of the restaurant, were the combat already ended to continue inside. It's quite likely that I will be punished for not staying behind, but I couldn't stand there and do nothing.

Just when I thought I had finished the rescue, I hear a voice around me that comes from the death bodies thrown around.

-Damn it, am I so pathetic that a kid comes to rescue me?

I am surprised because I didn't perceive his presence before. At first, I thought that was my imagination, but after I saw where the voice was coming from, it was even worse than everything I had seen till then. Dropped on the ground, there was a 40 years old guy, throwing blood from his mouth and with legs and arms chopped, plus a big bite on his sides. He is losing a lot of blood, and I'm frozen from seeing him.

-You must be really tired, kid. Don't worry, you did an excellent job – the smile he directs to me makes me recover myself, and to start running towards him.

-I… ¡NO! You will come with me and we will save you – Even though I say this, I know he won't make it.

-C'mon, we both know that I will die here – Despite this horrible thought, he is still laughing – Also, it would be really sad to survive like this, don't you think?

-No matter what, you will survive – C'mon, think. I need to keep him awake – Don't you have a family to live for?

-Ah, damn it. You are right, my wife will kill me when she finds out – Please, please, please, stop joking about this.

-It would be inconvenient if she did, right?

With extreme care, I manage to lift what is left of his body and slowly walk to the place where nurses are taking care of the rest of wounded investigators I have rescued. But he is still losing a ton of blood, and I don't have any way to stop it.

-Kid, I mean it… stop wasting your energy – he is closing his eyes, I'm afraid of the worse – Now that I think about it, I want a favor.

-Don't joke around, I won't leave you. We can talk about favors when we arrive, but right now try to keep your energy, please – I don't know what else to say to calm him, because every word he says comes out with a drop of blood from his mouth.

-No, I need to tell it now. Later there won't be a chance, and you know it. I want…

-¡PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE STOP TALKING ALREADY! Do you realize that it makes you bleed even more?

-Ah, that doesn't matter now… I want to ask you to… - His energy is near 0 now, and I feel desperate. I want to close his mouth myself, but my arms won't work for anything that isn't carrying him.

-Please… stop…

-Kid… tell my wife… and daughter… that I thought about them… till the end.

And just like that, with these last words, the man that I carried on my arms died. I fall to my knees, and his body fells to the side. I can't help but cry helplessly, full of hate because I couldn't help him and even more fury because I don't know his name. I…

-Get up, bro. There are still a lot of people to save.

A new voice puts me on alert, and I instinctively protect the body of the man that lies to my side while I try to figure out where that voice is coming from. When I find it, I realize it's a black haired guy, most likely around my age, and looks at me with sadness when he notices my reaction.

-…Who are you? – That's the only thing I can say in a situation like this, because I can't really think about anything.

-My name is Leonard, and I'm a rank 2 investigator. Pleased to meet you! – He flashes a smile and reaches me with his hand, just to take it away and darken his look – I'm sorry that we have to meet in a situation like this. C'mon, I will help you to reach the help post.

-Don't worry… - I need to recover my composure, I must remember that we are in the middle of a combat – I'm glad that you are alive. By the way, my name is Kaneki.

-A pleasure, Kaneki. By the way, those ghouls could never kill me. You will see, I will become the next Arima!

-Arima? But I think that you don't have quite the attitude – I can't help it but smile while I imagine Arima being as expressive as this guy, and that comforts me a bit.

-Are you despising Arima?! – This guy really has a lot of faces, because he seems furious – Well, let me tell you that Arima is…

-Wait, I'm sorry, it wasn't my intention to offend him. It's just that… well, you two are really different.

-Eh, do you know Arima in person?! – And after the fury arrives the emotion – How is he? Is he as strong as they say? Is his hair whiter than yours? By the way, you have a high ranking, right? What kind of quinque do you have on that briefcase?

-Hold on, too many questions. First, we must go to the help post. This area is dangerous – Also, I want to make sure that the dead man is identified.

-Well, that's true. Let's go… wait, what's that smell?

-Smell…?

While we were chatting, I was so focused on protecting the body of the dead man that I didn't notice that the air was rarefied, and was affecting my reaction time. I feel numb, and I can see that Leonard too because he is slowly falling to his knees.

-I think that… it's some king of drug, Kaneki. We must hurry up and leave this place or it's going to get even worse.

Leonard is right, the effect seems to be getting worse with time and if a ghoul finds us, it's the end. But…

-Wait… I can't… leave him behind – I won't fail him, I will carry his body to the help post.

-Okay then, let me… help you.

With difficulty, we manage to lift the body of the investigator that died on my arms and we slowly walk towards a safe place. But the drug effects are getting worse, and I'm afraid that we will need to leave him behind if we want to survive.

-Kaneki, I don't think that…

-Wait, I know. Please, go on without me… I will carry him – To be honest, I don't think that I will make it, but I must try.

-You are really stubborn… Well, let's continue.

-Thanks… Leonard…

-Watch out…!

Before we could notice, a dark shadow went really fast between us and took the body of the man we were carrying. I can't react, and watch horrified as the shadow slowly bites his face.

There's no doubt about it, it's a ghoul.

-Ah, what a pitiful taste. It seems that gas has no effect on the flavor of the dead – While he says this, he raises his hand to show his disappointment – Never mind, let's try with the living now, shall we?

-FUCKER, FUCKER, FUCKER! – I know that I shouldn't tease him, but my blood is boiling from the fury – I PROMISED HIM, I PROM…!

-What are you saying, kid? I don't even want to look at you right now; you have too many clothes on you and that makes you sweat, which totally kills your flavor.

-I WILL KILL YOU; I WILL KILL YOU NO MATTER WHAT IT TAKES!

-Yes, yes! That's exciting! Let your emotions flow, c'mon! Now it's a little bit more interesting… but, how far can you take it? Let's see…

With a long jump he reaches where Leonard and I are standing, and focuses me with his kagune unleashed, a koukaku type. Without time to move, I try to cover my face with my arms on a poor try to defend myself.

_C'mon, use me…_

Without thinking, I lower my arm to activate my quinque, and the long halberd comes out. I manage to lift it on time and block his attack, but it still pushed me to a light post.

-Oh, you still have enough energy to fight? That's not good. You see, I don't have time to play with you; I must support the useless guys that take me for their god inside the restaurant.

-You… you are the ghoul… that leads them – a few meters away; I notice the voice of Leonard.

-Indeed I am. Do you like my work? – Now, the ghoul tries to show off.

-I should have guessed… the ghoul restaurant… your koukaku kagune… - Does Leonard knows him? I can feel surprise and hate in his voice.

-Oh, I'm glad that there are people that still remember me on this ward. It's been a while, after all, but I am finally back. Rejoice!

-You… damned ghoul… you killed my parents… - While he says this, Leonard starts to stand up.

-I'm sorry to hear that, young one. Oh, what tragedy must have been for you!

-Don't mock their death…

-Mocking? I'm just sharing your pain! You see, I lost someone important too a while ago – I can hear the ghoul laughing, and that makes my blood boil even more.

-Damned ghoul… I will be the one… to kill you… GOURMET!

So the identity of the ghoul is "Gourmet". For some reason, that name sounds familiar for me, but I don't have time to think about it because the Gourmet runs to Leonard and punches him in the stomach, which makes him throw up and faint.

-I'm sorry, young one. You will have to wait a little while more to join your parents. I'm curious about the effects the gas has on the livings after a while, and you are more helpful that your partner.

Without saying anything else, the Gourmet takes Leonard with him and runs to the restaurant, passing through the aperture that Arima's team broke to enter.

-DAMN IT, DAMN IT, DAMN IT!

I can't stop screaming in my desperation. I failed to rescue the mutilated man, and I won't be able to recognize him because Gourmet ate his face, and now I have lost the only person that showed real kindness to me since I became a ghoul investigator.

_Use me…_

And I keep hearing voices.

_One of those ghoul masks on the ground… it's an anti-gas mask. It will help._

It's true… there's an anti-gas mask on the ground, it will help me.

_Wear it…_

…Wear a ghoul mask? But… I must rescue Leonard.

_Let me be your strength…_

I need to be strong to defeat the Gourmet.

_And then…_

And then…

_EAT HIM! _/ KILL HIM!


	5. Chapter 4: Killer (Part 1)

_Kill him… Annihilate him… Devour him…_

Damn it, I'm still listening voices in my head, but I don't have time to think about that right now. I must run inside the restaurant and find the Gourmet as soon as possible, before him… No, don't think about that, Leonard will be fine, no doubt about it. And if the Gourmet dares to harm him…

But I can't think about it right now. The mask I'm wearing will only protect me from the poison that the Gourmet released, but it won't protect me from any other damage. I must advance carefully or a ghoul might take me by surprise, the same way the Gourmet did. Damn it, how could I lower my guard so easily? I must be cold, merciless, brutal…

I must be strong.

_I will be your strength, Kaneki…_

Again? These fucking voices again, are they never going to stop?

_You want strength… I will give it to you… again…_

Whatever the voices say… the only strength I need is my own strength. And that strength is the one pushing me forward as fast as I can go. I can hear the cries of humans and ghouls while they are fighting each other around. Even though I hate it, I don't have time to help them. My objective is only one: to save Leonard and kill the Gourmet by any means necessary. But…

A sudden change in the atmosphere makes me stop and crouch for a second, just in time to evade the charge of a ghoul that ends up hitting a lateral wall. It makes a heavy noise and provokes dust, and I make use of this confusion to attack him with my halberd. I can hear him cry in pain, and I consider it over, because I don't have enough time to finish the job. Anyways, the damage is enough to force him to stay on the ground till another investigator finds him.

Damn it, what am I thinking? I just fought a ghoul for the second time in my life and I left him alive. But I have a good reason: I must rescue Leonard. I can't doubt now, I must keep running. I cross lots of rooms and corridors, but there's no sign of them anywhere around. I am desperate right now, I'm afraid I won't be able to find them in time. I…

-KANEKI, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE?!

-…!

The voice of an investigator takes me by surprise, and when I turn around to fin who it is, I realize it was one of the investigators from Squad 0, Arima's team. He seems terrified and surprised because I am inside, and that makes him lose his concentration. I am about to shout to him that I have things to do and that he must keep fighting, but then he screams at me again.

-DAMN IT, GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE, HE IS GOING TO…!

He is going to…? But neither of us has enough time to react or talk, because a ghoul jumped out of nowhere and took the head of the investigator with his kagune. What type of kagune was that? I couldn't tell, neither did I care. I just wanted to kill him and avenge my comrade.

-Such a mess, that idiot Tsukiyama really knows how to attract attention – With extreme care; the ghoul accommodates his glasses and takes care of his brown hair. He seems a little bit older than me.

-FUCKER, FUCKER, FUCKER! – I don't care what the ghoul is talking about, but I am going to kill him no matter what.

Neither of us, the ghoul and me, have enough time to react to this situation. By the time I realize it, I am rushing forward to the kagune of the ghoul. Looking carefully now, it is a tail. Bikaku type? This could go really bad. If he manages to evade my halberd, he will have a free route to any of my vital organs. Damn it, I didn't think it enough, I could really die here. But I believe I still have a chance: if I manage to thrust my quinque through his tail, I will at least be able to repel the impact. Whatever comes next is another story. Something else I should think about? Not sure. Anyways, here I come and…

I missed.

I was too slow. Damn, damn, damn. I can see his triumphal aspect on his disgusting ghoul face while he thrust his tail to my face, and it's about to crash. I can feel my fury while thinking that such a horrible ghoul is going to kill me. I need strength, god dammit. I NEED TO BE STRONGER!

_You just had to ask, Kaneki… Okay, I will be your strength._

I close my eyes, waiting for the impact, and it frustrates me that my last thought is a voice on my head that didn't stop since I got my quinque. Then, on a fraction of milliseconds, I know how I will be able to beat him. My quinque had transformed on the claw mode, and the four claws were trying to stop the tail of the ghoul, just in time to save my eye from a sure spike. I know it was a sure hit because the tail managed to break one of the glasses from the mask, and now I can see him clearly. But something has changed within him, because he looks surprised and terrified, as he won't stop looking at my quinque.

-You… that kagune… Was it you who killed him? – I can hear the ghoul taking abruptly, like he had seen a revelation just in front of him.

-Killing who? – My quinque is holding his tail, so I feel safe to interrogate him. Why am I doing this? Damn it, I'm in a hurry, I can't lose any more time.

-Maybe… you are the killer of the centipede?

-…Centipede? – Centipede… I think I know that name. Damn it, why am I still losing time with this ghoul?

-ANSWER ME, IDIOT! DID YOU KILL CENTIPEDE?! WHY ARE YOU USING HIS RINKAKU?!

-I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT, SHUT UP ALREADY! – Damn it, this gives me headache.

-FUCKER, IT IS YOUR FAULT THAT TSUKIYAMA NEARLY DIED! ALSO, CENTIPEDE WAS MY FRIEND, AND YOU KILLED HIM! – The ghoul has gone crazy – NOW I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!

I don't have time to relax and recover from the headache because the ghoul is coming for me, using the pressure on his tail to launch himself towards my face. I think he believes that, since my quinque is holding his tail, I won't have any way to counter his attack. But I'm not as dizzy as before, when I fought Gourmet, and he is way slower than the purple haired ghoul, so I can keep pressure on his tail while I knock his head with my empty briefcase. Right now I am happy that they are made with a resistant material, but it just buys me some seconds. Well, that's more than enough to land a killing blow and avenge the dead investigator. I just need to crush him and…

_Stop._

…And I end up crushing the four claws on his limbs. Four fucking claws and none of them managed to hit a vital spot. I can hear his cries of agony, and I know he is incapable of fighting any more. Should I keep fighting him? Of course not, I must hurry and find Gourmet and Leonard. Damn, he is the third ghoul I fight and I am incapable of finishing the job. But that will change soon, since I will start to fix this situation killing the first ghoul I fought. I am definitely killing the Gourmet.

While I keep running through the restaurant, I can't stop thinking about the name that the bikaku ghoul talked about: Centipede. Why am I so curious about this name? Centipede, Rinkaku, Gourmet… Is there any kind of connection between all of this? Undoubtedly, my quinque shares some relation with a Rinkaku type kagune. Maybe Centipede used a Rinkaku? Is this Centipede connected with the Gourmet? Too many ideas right now, but I must focus on my mission and find them already. But where…?

_Kaneki, remember…_

That I remember…?

_The main dish… the main hall…_

The hall…? I am so desperate right now that I believe it is fine to let myself be driven by a voice inside my head. The main hall… I keep running while my head is aching even more. I feel like it's going to explode when I manage to find the main hall.

There they are: Leonard is tied to a large table while the Gourmet is inspecting a bunch of instruments on an auxiliary table near Leonard, and a bunch of corpses of dead investigators surround him. I am frozen with this scene, and I can't help it but blame myself for his actions. Was it the Gourmet the one who killed them? Most likely, and I was too slow to rescue any of them. But I won't let this continue. This ends right here.

Should I take advantage of his focus on the table and attack? After all, I still have my quinque activated, and with the strength of the claws I should be able to defeat him. So I jump with all my forces to reach the Gourmet, and I hope that one of my claws – I mean, the claws of my quinque – Crush him.

But this doesn't happen, because while I was in mid-air my quinque returned to the halberd form, and the Gourmet managed to block my attack at last second using his koukaku.


	6. Chapter 5: Killer (Part 2)

_Damned weakling, you can't even control the claws?_

-So you came back to play a little bit more? Why don't you let me devour your friend alone? – The Gourmet and I are staring at each other, with some space between us after my failed surprise attack.

-You are one twisted bastard, Gourmet. I'm going to finish you right now – I can't hold my wrath, I must kill him.

-What are you saying, Monsieur? I'm just asking for some privacy to enjoy my meal. And, as you can see, not even that can I get on MY restaurant – Now, he is stepping on each one of the corpses of the investigators he killed there – . . MINE!

-STOP IT ALREADY, YOU SICK BASTARD! – I can't help it but scream while I jump towards him.

I can't stay still while he mocks my dead comrades like that, I must end him. We fight ferociously for a couple of seconds, our attacks are incredibly fast but I feel like I can read each one of his movements, just like he seems to anticipate my owns. I try to thrust my quinque through his chest, but he blocks the impact with his kagune and pushes me backwards. When he tries to land a direct hit on my face, I manage to dodge it by inches by walking by side and countering with a lunge that doesn't hit.

-_Très bien_, Monsieur! You have a _fantastique_ combat style! It's been a while since I worked so hard! Why don't you take off that ugly mask of yours so I can enjoy watching your face when I land the final blow? It must be hard seeing with a broken lense and a polarized one! C'MON, SHOW ME YOUR FACE SO I CAN TASTE YOU BETTER! IF I COULDN'T EAT HIM, YOU SHALL BE A NICE APPETIZER BECAUSE YOU FIGHT JUST LIKE HIM!

The Gourmet is laughing like a maniac while we fight, but he is right. The weariness from the fight is making me numb, and it's taking me even more time to calculate his hits. Also, the vision doesn't help at all, but if I take a single second to take off the mask, he surely is going to kill me. No matter what, I already lost.

-TOO BAD, MONSIEUR! I WAS LOOKING FORWARD TO HAVE MORE FUN, BUT IT'S OVER NOW!

-Shut up, Shut up, Shut…! – But he is right, it's over already. I will die after this, because I can already feel the blood flowing hot over my legs.

I didn't manage to calculate the distance of his last lunge, and his kagune ended up hitting the right side of my body, taking away a great part of my torso.

-Oh well, it's over. But I shall recognize that you have been quite the spectacular opponent, worth of my praise, young man – I'm on the ground, about to fall unconscious, while the Gourmet reaches me with a pile of dead investigators on his back – Don't worry, if you can make any of this parts fit on your side, you might be able to recover. C'mon, do it! HAHAHAHA!

Damn you, Gourmet. Damn you, curse you, fuck you. It hurts, it hurts, and it really hurts. Please, make it stop, make the pain go away please.

_You will die, Kaneki…_

Damned voices, if you really were worth something, you would save my life.

_If you want to survive, you need to eat…_

Eat? True, I am hungry. But the pain is greater. Or is the hunger greater? Damn it, help me already! My vision is blurred, but I can see the Gourmet reaching to Leonard that is unconscious on the table. Damn it, damn it, damn it.

_Well then, eat… If you really want to survive…_

There's no food here, no food at all. Food, there's no food. I want food, I need food.

_EAT!_

I…

_…__Damned weakling. You fall unconscious so fast? Doesn't matter, now I can take control of __**us. **__First thing, we must get food. You want food, don't you, Kaneki? Because I DO want it. Anyways, let's see if I can at least move an arm… yep, it's good. I think that we must take off the mask we are wearing, shouldn't we? It won't let us eat, after all. Nothing like the old one, right? That one was really cool, and even had a zipper that would let us eat with a cool patch. Well, let's take it off reeeeally slow, its time is over. Now… shall we start with that yummy arm that is near our face…? I guess the dead investigator won't mind if we do…_

*gulp*


	7. Chapter 6: Killer (Part 3)

_Thanks for the food… Now it's your turn again, Kaneki. What will you do?_

…What's going on? I feel… stronger, suddenly. I don't feel any hunger, or pain… I just feel…

A need for revenge.

I can see that the Gourmet is making preparations near the table where my friend is. Good, that means that I still have time. This time there won't be surprise moves or fast attacks from the back. This time I walk slowly to the Gourmet with my sight on the ground, making sure I make as much noise as possible. Seconds pass till the Gourmet notices my presence, and slowly turns back to look at me.

-How the hell are you standing, Monsieur? You should be dead, I even took part of your torso, you shouldn't be able to… - Now, after a quick look to my body, his voice suddenly freezes - … walk.

-My torso…? – It's true; I remember the stinging pain I suffered when his kagune pierced me. But I don't feel it anymore. After a quick check up to my condition, I can see that I'm quite fit, even better than I was before entering the restaurant. What happened to me? To be honest, I don't really care right now. I don't feel headaches anymore, and I don't listen to the voice inside of me. Whatever happened to me, I don't want to think about it now.

-That regenerative ability, that white hair – now, the Gourmet is slowly getting close to me – It's not possible, is it? It can't be you. You are dead, I lost you, and I won't ever see you again. Oh, what kind of joke are my eyes pulling on me! It's impossible, right? Tell me it's impossible, tell me this isn't you.

-Today, you will pay for all of your sins, Gourmet – I don't care about what he is saying, nothing matters right now.

-It isn't you, you can't be you, no way it's you – the same thing over and over again, does he never shuts up?

I'm done with his babbling, so I stretch my quinque so the claws will be able to attack for me. They now answer naturally, and the Gourmet can barely block my attacks.

-I have no idea to who you refer, but I don't really care anyways. Can you hurry up and die, please?

I don't even need to move my arms; the claws go to where my sight is set.

-It's not true; it isn't true, not true. It's not you, right…?

-Shut up already, you freaking ghoul.

-Please, tell me it's not you… Kaneki.

…Kaneki? Why does he know my name? Must be coincidence, a simple coincidence. But this fact gives me a terrible headache, just when I thought they were gone forever, and my quinque stops. Could it be that the Gourmet has a relationship with my past? Somehow, I feel like everything starts to make sense inside of me.

-So it is you – suddenly, the Gourmet changes his attitude towards me completely, and he falls on his knees to the ground – It's you, Kaneki… I can't believe it, I thought I had lost you forever, but here you are. You are for me, right? Magnifique! Oh, destiny, you truly are marvelous!

Shut up, shut up, shut up already! I feel that my head is going to explode; I don't want to listen to him anymore. I need to finish him so I can rest; I'm going to kill him right now. I take advantage that he is sitting on his knees and punch him with my right hand on his face, which leaves him surprised. Hitting a ghoul with my bare hands? I should have broken my bones, but I'm fine. Anyways, I wanted him to shut up, and it worked. He seems stunned, now is my chance. The claws of my quinque move erratically, but it doesn't matter. I feel like I still have control over them and I use them to hit the Gourmet constantly. I can hear his cries, full of pain, while I stab him and take parts of his kagune.

-You know what, Gourmet? This one is for that freaking gas you launched to me outside the restaurant.

A claw pierces his left arm, nailing him to the ground.

-This one goes for the parents of Leonard, you fucking murderer.

A second claw pierces his right arm with what's left of his kagune, and that makes him scream even more.

-Also, I want you to experience the same pain I suffered when you destroyed the body of that poor dead man.

Both claws that were piercing his arms now raise him, and he looks just like a crucified monster. A third claw slowly starts to cut his face without reaching too deep, because I don't want him dead. Not yet, not so soon.

-And the last one… because you are a monstrous ghoul.

Using the fourth and last claw, I cut his right arm and it falls with his kagune.

-haha… hahaha… HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Am I crazy? I'm close to my objective, he has no defenses left, and everything I can do is laugh maniacally. I will be able to avenge the dead man, Leonard's parents, and I will end a highly dangerous ghoul. Everything on my own. I did it myself, right? I'm worthy now; no one will be able to look at me with contempt or doubt about my capacity. I just need to kill him, it's simple. He is a ghoul, he must die. But then…

Why am I crying?

I feel the tears fall through my face while I laugh and I fall to my knees right to Gourmet's body. My quinque became a halberd again, but that's ok. The fight is over; I just need to finish him. Slowly, I raise my quinque, and I can feel my hands shake while I do it.

_Stop me, please._

I won't stop.

_Please, don't make me do it._

I have to, it's my duty.

_But I know that you don't want to make me do it._

Damn it, this voice is different. The first one was erratic and psychopath, but this one feels… natural and warm.

_Please, make me remember…_

I must kill him… I have the halberd just above his chest; I just need to let it fall.

_No, please… I'm begging you…_

I close my eyes to focus on my task and apply more pressure into my hands so I won't fail. I must do it, so I let my quinque fall with all the energies I have left.

_DON'T MAKE ME KILL A PERSON!_

-AHHHHHHHHHHHH, DAMNIT!

I failed. One more time, I failed. By millimeters, but I still didn't manage to hit Gourmet. I shout out of impotence while I still cry rivers of tears, and everything suddenly comes back to my head. Why can't I murder a ghoul? Why am I in such good condition when I saw myself how I lost a great part of my torso? Why do I hear voices inside of my head? Please…

What am I?


	8. Chapter 7: Killer (Part 4)

_Kaneki you are a…_

…

I don't know how much time I spent on my knees next to Gourmet, but I think that I fell asleep while I was crying. When I open my eyes again slowly, I see the face of the brown-haired ghoul that I couldn't kill while I was looking for the Gourmet in front of me. I don't even have enough energy to be surprised, and it's likely that he came to take revenge against me. It's quite funny, since I will be killed by the one ghoul I couldn't kill.

Even though, he does nothing. He just stares at me, squatting, as if he was trying to find some answers to what was going on.

-So it really is you, Kaneki – Instead of eating me, the ghoul just talks to me.

-What do you want from me… freaking ghoul. C'mon, kill me already. That's what you want, isn't it?

-Damn it, Kaneki. What the fuck did they do to you? We all thought you were dead, and here you are.

-I don't know what you're talking about, damned ghoul – I need to recover and fight.

-C'mon, Kaneki. Damned dwarf, don't you remember me? I can understand that you hate Tsukiyama, and even feel thankful that you beat him hard, but… beating me? Again?

-What do you mean…? Tsukiyama? –That name again. For some reason, it bring shady memories.

-Do you really not remember anything?

-I have nothing to remember concerning you, fucking ghouls!

-DAMN IT, KANEKI! – the last phrase I said really made him mad, and now he takes me by the neck and raises me – DID YOU FORGET EVERYTHING?! REMEMBER ALREADY!

-I have nothing… to remember – I don't care about anything this ghoul has to say, I must kill them all – I must fight, I have to fight.

With difficulty I try to raise my quinque, and the brown-haired ghoul tries to activate his kagune with whatever energies he has left, because he hasn't recovered yet from our fight. When we are about to fight again, a man jumps between us and picks us both from behind to raise us. Who is this guy? I can see that he has white hair and a long coat. Is it Arima? No, this guy has a different condition, but whom…

-You have fought enough, Kaneki.

-…Yomo, you are kind of late – the brown-haired ghoul talks to the other one and grumbles.

-I'm sorry, Nishiki – the brown-haired ghoul is called Nishiki? – I stumbled with part of that white haired investigator's team.

Is he talking about Arima's squad? That gives me shivers. Damn it, this guy is a ghoul too, and that makes me ghoul into full-alert mode. What happened to the squad?

-Fuckers, I will kill you… all of you… fucking ghouls – I try to resist to the ghoul called Yomo, but I don't have enough energy to escape yet. I must think quickly or they are going to kill me.

-Ken, you really… it doesn't matter – Why does everyone knows my name? – Nishiki, we must leave quickly.

-Ok then, who grabs Kaneki? I can't really lift anything right now, you know – so the ghoul called Nishiki won't leave the dinner behind.

-In his current state he is dangerous; we can't carry him with us. Also, the white haired investigator is getting closer and we must take Tsukiyama with us too.

-I won't leave him behind! – is he so eager to kill me? – Damn it, it's been so long, I won't let that idiot get lost again.

-Nishiki…

-Kaneki is our friend, Yomo!

…friend? Why does he consider me his friend? Damn it, I know that I should be fighting back or staying alert, but I feel kind of safe around them. What the hell is going on with me? This all gives a terrible headache and I start to scream and twist on the floor, since the ghoul called Yomo dropped me to carry the Gourmet. No! Don't take my objective, I must kill him… I must…

_Yeah, it's our duty. But we don't really want to do it, right? Kaneki…_

…

Once again I fainted, and the last thing I remember is trying to grab my quinque against those 2 ghouls that talked to me so naturally. I feel my body heavy, what did they do with me? I also have a headache, but it's a different feeling this time. I can remember something, the ghoul called Nishiki punched my face really hard and I fainted. Damned ghoul, I shall make him pay one day when I find him again. But that can wait, since right now I'm starving so much. I should have brought a supply of the special CCG's food, because I really need it. But… It kind of smells nice around here. I don't really have much energy left, but the smell is wonderful, so I try as hard as I can to stand up and check out where that smell is coming from. I can feel it; it comes from a quite faraway place, above something that looks like… a table? Yeah, it's a table. For some reason, I feel like I should protect something on that table. Maybe the food? Who knows, I just need to check if that delicious smell is coming from there. I walk there slowly, drooling due to my hunger. I don't even check the path when I stand next to the table and check on the feast awaiting me. But, for my horror, it's not a feast, not even a plate of food. It's a human, a friend, and I was thinking about eating him. No, this can't be truth, I want to eat humans? I can see that his arm is bleeding, and that's the source of the smell I detected a while before. I'm in shock, unable to move a single muscle, when Leonard opens his eyes with difficulty.

-Yo, Kaneki, what are you doing here? Run, quickly… the Gourmet…

-Leonard, the Gourmet is gone, everyone has gone. You are safe now… - wait, is he really safe when I thought about eating him? – I will get you out now, don't worry.

-Nice, you finished those blasted ghouls, eh? Excellent – He can barely talk, because a strong cough invades him – I think I lost too much blood, mind if I faint?

-Damn it, Leonard – I know this guys from a few hours ago and I already feel like I can trust him – Shut up already or I will have to carry you unconscious to the exit.

-You are right, and that would be really weird and look like a shame on my CV, no?

We both laugh for a while, but I stop when his coughing comes back, now filled with blood. Delicious bloo- NO! What the hell am I thinking? And Leonard has changed his attitude, because he felt my change.

-Kaneki, is something wrong?

-It's nothing

-C'mon, you can tell me. Maybe you go weak around blood?

-You could say that… Leonard, we must leave quickly. Mind if I carry you?

-I thought you would never offer it and I would have to return alone. Go ahead, carry me.

Slowly, I accommodate Leonard on my shoulder, and I can see that he is suffering a lot. I must hurry up or he will fall unconscious – but that would be good, right? Easier to eat – no, shit shit shit, what the fuck is going on with me? I try to stay calm when I notice that Leonard can't' keep going and faints over me. Exhausted for his weight, I decide to rest for a while on a safe place. At least, as safe as a war zone can be. There's a lot of blood coming out of his arm, wish I could stop it with a bandage or drinking it – fuck, no, damn it. Must be a psychological reaction due to stress caused by the battles or...

_Don't be an idiot, Kaneki. Do you really think that?_

And here goes the psychopath voice again, the one that…

_The psychopath voice? Idiot, it's YOUR voice._

That's not me. You are NOT me, I don't think about eating… humans.

_Really, Kaneki? You are trying to eat your friend, right? That's not quite human-ish._

Shut up, I didn't think about that. I don't eat humans, only… ghouls… do that.

_Well, you finally nailed it._

Yeah, ghouls eat humans, and that would be impossible for me. I am a human.

_Human? C'mon, you were so close the truth. Try again…_

I'm a human, I'm a human, I'm a human. Shut up already.

_Humans don't regenerate half of their torsos, you know?_

I didn't lose a single part of my body, shut up already. The Gourmet never took part of my torso, it was all a psychological illusion caused by high pressure and trauma.

_Illusion? It seems like you need a more… graphic example. Ok then, let's start with the lower half of your back…_

My back? What are you talking about…?

HNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGG!


	9. Chapter 8: Killer (End)

_Yes… Let it flow through you… Can you really fight back?_

I'm crying due to the pain and right now I feel a strange heat on my lower back, just like… as if something was trying to come out of me. I hold my face due to the pain, scratching it while I scream for help and begging for it to stop. Now I just feel even more hunger, and I can't control it anymore. I need help… please… anyone… just make the pain go away.

_You are alone, Kaneki… This pain won't go until you eat, understood? And you are quite aware of your favorite dish by now, right?_

Eat, I want to eat. I need to eat. I have to eat. I need to eat to protect myself, to stop this pain.

_Go ahead, eat… you have a fresh source of food right at your side, nothing stops you._

No, I can't eat humans. I am a human, so I can't eat him. Eating him would mean that…

_Say it, Kaneki…_

The regeneration of my torso, my hunger when I'm near Leonard's bloodstained body…

_Say, have you seen what's on your back?_

On my back…? I turn around violently, still covering my face with my hands, and I'm seconds away from fainting. For a moment, I thought I had left my quinque behind, but I kept it on the briefcase before carrying Leonard. There are 4 claws behind me… a ghoul is making his move on us? No, but I would prefer that…

Those 4 claws are coming out of me.

All of them are deep red, even more intense than my quinque. So, it comes to this, right? It was a possibility, but I tried to avoid thinking about that too much. Is this what I really am? Am I really a freaking monster? Now it's not just scratching my face with my hands, I'm actually trying to hurt myself and wake up from this nightmare.

_I wouldn't call myself a monster, you know? Say it, Kaneki…_

I am…

_SAY IT!_

I am a ghoul.

Now I know it, I confirmed it. And, to my horror, everything seems clear now. The reason why I had such a special diet, the reason why that doctor at the CCG was so interested in me and the development of my quinque. Fuck, have I been using myself all this time? Those claws… and, above everything, the reason why everyone at the CCG looks at me with distrust. Does everyone knows this? I am in danger, now that I know the truth too, they will most likely try to finish me. I must escape, and do it soon, but I have no energy left. I'm so hungry, I need…

_You need meat, right? Human meat, that is. Go ahead, eat your friend._

No, I won't do that. Leonard is the only person that trusted me, eating him would be… losing him.

_Well, then just eat one of his limbs. Surely he will be fine without an arm, right?_

No, I won't do that. To eat would be to steal.

_Do it, Kaneki. If you don't do it, you are most likely going to be captured and killed._

No, eating would be unforgivable. To eat would be to make a mistake.

_Damned goody, I shall take the lead so we get out of this alive._

No, you won't do it. What the f-?

Unable to control them, I feel that the claws on my back start moving on their own will. Actually, on my inner voice will that is trying to eat Leonard. But I won't allow it, so I grab my quinque to protect him… from myself. With difficulty, I manage to stop them for a while, blocking each assault with the halberd form of the quinque, but I won't be able to keep this pace for long.

_You are quite stubborn, aren't you? I will be honest with you; this will hurt me more than you._

The voice manages to distract me and takes me by surprise when the claws change their objective and start attacking me. I'm exhausted, and I can't stop the claws from piercing my body, starting with my limbs and leave me out of combat completely, even hungrier and my body of deep pain. I can't hold it anymore, I'm starting to faint and lose to that psychopath voice. I'm sorry, Leonard, I tried but…

-You are under a lot of pressure, Kaneki.

-Who is it…?

_Well, shit. We are screwed, Kaneki, it's over. Told you._

Barely conscious, I see a shadow dressed just like me, with white hair and holding a lance on his right hand. Is that you, Arima? Good, that means that Leonard will be safe. And me… well, I didn't really feel like living like a monster anyway.

-I see that you disobeyed my orders and went into combat.

-Arima, please… kill me – I'm prepared, I know that it is my destiny.

-Also, you discovered your real self – Same cold tone of voice as always while he announces my death sentence.

-Please, do it quickly – I feel like I'm losing control, but that doesn't really matter right now. Arima will be able to deal with me. I just hope that I don't hurt him when I lose myself.

-Under these circumstances, there's only one thing I can tell you, Kaneki.

-PLEASE, ARIMA, I'M BEGGING YOU! I DON'T WANT TO KILL LEONARD!

-Don't worry, you won't. I just wanted to tell you, Kaneki, that I'm sorry.

Wait, he regrets that he has to kill me? But why…

-I'm sorry I didn't tell you everything from the start – everything? What is he talking about… I think I'm falling asleep…

-…

-You shouldn't worry about that investigator. Leonard, right? I'll make sure he is treated as soon as possible.

-…

-I think that's everything you need to know.

-_Go fuck yourself, idiot._

-Kaneki?

_-You managed to beat me before, but this time it will be different._

-…I see. You fought well, Kaneki Ken.

-_Shut up already!_

I can barely sense what's going on right now since I lost control of myself, but I managed to stay conscious long enough to feel everything. How my inner psychopath took control of my body, and now I can understand it. It's neither an illusion nor a random voice, it's just… me. And that frightens me. I can feel how I launch myself to hit Arima, who easily manages to evade the attack and jumps above me to pierce his lance through my head, piercing my eye… somehow it feels familiar. Painful, yet oddly familiar. That's the last thing I remember, because I'm fainting while I feel that my inner psychopath goes back to sleep in the middle of a loud shout, far away from everything. Also, I know which voice was talking to me when I was trying to kill the Gourmet… that was the "human" side that would refuse to kill, and also goes back to sleep, full of peace. Meanwhile, myself…

I just want to sleep and have a happy dream.


End file.
